Friday, January 28, 2011

Funny things are everywhere

While waiting in line tonight at CVS to have a prescription filled, I overheard this conversation between two 20-something guys. I was pretty much staring at the backs of their heads, but I think they were in their 20s. "A" had little zig-zags shaved into the back of his hair and "B" had on a black stocking cap. Sorry I can't give a better description than that!

A. I dunno why Snoop came in concert. Who even listens to him anymore? He's OLD.
B. I dunno. It's like Dr. Dre comin' or somethin'. It's all hype.
A. Would you buy a CD if Snoop came out with a new one?
B. Naw. He made enough songs. He should be done.
A. Come to think of it, I never bought a CD. I never been in a CD store.
B. No shit? Never?
A. Nope.
B. I went in one once.
**Silence while they both stare at the attractive pharmacist**
B. I wrote a paper about legalizing prostitution
A. You shoulda interviewed some prostitutes on Payne. You woulda got points for journalism.
B. Who would I interview? That one midget?
A. I heard about her.
B. Or that one transvestite?
A. His name is Candy. I talked to him before. He's a pretty nice guy.
B. I saw him once and I was like 'That chick is a DUDE!'
A. Yeah.
A. I got hit on once by a gay guy. On Facebook.
B. I hate it when that happens.
A. Yeah, it's kinda irritating. Happens to me a lot.
B. Well, guess you could take that as a compliment.

I almost wished I had to wait in line even longer so I could've eavesdropped some more.

I promise to post about the boys next week. It's been nuts at work and then I got really sick with mastitis (oh the joys of breastfeeding) but things should be back to normal at this time next week, when I'm (gasp, gasp) 36!!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

No simple answers

As I sit here at work (trying to) write about landscape design, I keep losing my train of thought and find myself thinking about what happened in Arizona this past Saturday — six people died and 13 were wounded when Jared Loughner went on a shooting rampage at a town meeting. It reminds me of how I felt after 9/11. Angry, sad, worried, scared that being in the wrong place at the wrong time can cost innocent people our lives. Is nothing “safe” anymore? One minute these people were at a meet-and-greet at a Safeway; the next minute bullets were flying and people were dying. Those families will never ever be the same — they were robbed of future memories with their husbands, wives, moms, dads, brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, close friends — thanks to the actions of a fucked up idiot mentally unstable young man. So many questions; so much heartache.
And now the finger-pointing. To be honest, I’m a little sick of the political back-and-forth (from both parties) on the wake of this tragedy. I’ve read op-ed pieces about gun control and violent campaign rhetoric and a toxic environment teeming with hate speech; who or what is to blame for this senseless murder spree? What motivates a person to commit a heinous crime like this? The Left blames the Right, the Right blames the Left, and we go around and around and around and this poisonous political climate never changes.
Why do Americans insist on beating each other up for the tragedies we suffer? Isn’t this a red flag that our level of hostility has reached an all-time high? That we must return to civility in our public and private debates, open the lines of communication, and share a message of tolerance?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

21 + 39 years of experience

HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY to my beautiful mama - one of my very best friends!

And now, in honor of mothers everywhere, here's a catchy little song:

Get up out of bed
Wash your face
Brush your teeth
Comb your sleepy head
Here’s your clothes
And your shoes
Hear the words I said
Get up now
Get up and make your bed
Are you hot?
Are you cold?
Are you wearing that?
Where's your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and your gloves and your scarf and hat
And after school, don’t forget, you have to feed the cat
Eat your breakfast
The experts tell us it’s the most important meal of all
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall

Chew carefully
But hurry
The bus is here
Wait just a sec!
Come back here!
Did you wash behind your ears?
Play outside
Don’t play rough
Would you just play fair?
Be polite
You'll make more friends
When you take the time to share
Work it out
Wait your turn
It's not polite to stare
Get along
Don’t make me come down there!
Clean your room
Fold your clothes
Put your stuff away
Make your bed
Do it now
We don't have all day!
Were you born in a barn?
Would you like some hay?
Excuse me? Can you even hear a word I say?

Where you going and with whom and what time do you think you’re coming home?
Say thank you, please, excuse me everywhere you go
You’ll appreciate my wisdom
Someday when you’re older and you’re grown
Can’t wait ’til you have a couple little children of your own!
You’ll thank me for the counsel I gave you so willingly
But right now
I thank you NOT to roll your eyes at me
Close your mouth when you chew
Would appreciate
Take a bite
Maybe two
Of the stuff you hate
Use your fork
Do not burp!
Or I’ll set you straight
This isn't a restaurant! Now PLEASE just eat the food I put on your plate
Just do your best
Life is a test
I don’t care who started it
You’re grounded 'til your 36
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff
Would you jump too?

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said at least a thousand times before
You’re too old to act this way
It must be your dad’s DNA
Look at me when I am talking
Stand up straight when you're walking
A place for everything
And everything in its place
Stop crying or I’ll give you something real to cry about
Brush your teeth
Wash your face
Get your PJs on
Get in bed
Give me a hug
Let's pray together now
Don’t ever forget
I love you VERY MUCH
And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom’s work never ends
You don’t need the reason why
I said so
I said so
I said so
I said so
I’m the Mom

Every day I hope to be, the mother that you are to me. I love you more than you know.