Beach ball

When I dropped Adam off at daycare yesterday, his 2-year-old friend, Morgan, walked up to me, pointed at my gigantic pregnant belly, and announced, "BALL!"
"She was up north at her cabin this weekend, and I bet she was playing with a beach ball," my daycare provider Mary laughed.
"BALL!" she announced again, this time lifting my dress to get a better look.
I laughed and Mary laughed and even Morgan started laughing.
"No, this is a baby," I told her.
"Baby BALL!" she announced.
If you can't laugh, you might cry, so I try to keep on laughing.

I am a patient girl ...

I am still pregnant. It's been draining for me mentally & physically. At my 40-week apppointment yesterday, my doctor said I was 3 cm dilated - an extra centimeter from my last appointment (we went to Stillwater with friends on Memorial Day and did a ton of walking. Maybe that helped?), nearly 100 percent effaced/thinned (my cervix is ready), and Baby is head down and ready to launch.
The doc stripped my membranes, which was more uncomfortable than painful. Basically she used her fingers to 'sweep' my cervix and separate the cervix from the amniotic sac. This is supposed to help speed things up as far as labor, but I think it only works when Baby is ready to arrive. I know people who had their membranes stripped three times with no results, and others who had it done once and said they went into labor less than 24 hours later.
"I'd be surprised if you weren't in labor within the next 24 to 48 hours," Dr. S. told me. "And if, by some chance, you're not, come back in Friday and I'll strip your membranes again, but I really don't think I'll be seeing you Friday."
"What happens if it doesn't work on Friday?" I asked, hoping she would say something about inducing me.
"I don't think that will be an issue. Your body is ready and something will happen after stripping your membranes twice in one week," she told me.
I was in a state of euphoria all afternoon. The end was near!
I went back home and worked for a little bit, got Adam from daycare, went grocery shopping, and made dinner. Bring on this baby!!
Last night, Aaron skipped his softball game because I started having sporadic contractions. They weren't quite Braxton Hicks, they weren't quite like I had with Adam (an intense tightening of the uterus), they were more of a cramping/pelvic pinching pressure and they were coming about every 40 minutes. Could this be it?
We made arrangements for a friend to come over in the middle of the night should I go into active labor at, say, 3 a.m. We put my parents on "high alert." (In other words, answer your damn cell phone if we call!!) We put our hospital bags in the kitchen. I did the dishes and swept the floor (who wants to come home to a dirty house?) and read Adam some books before bed. It was the first time it hit me that this could be our last time together, just Adam and I, before he was no longer our only child. It made me feel sort of sad in a way. He knows Button is coming, he knows he's going to be a big brother, but he doesn't fully comprehend just how much life is going to change. I stared into his big green eyes as I was tucking him in and he giggled and said, "You're looking at me and I'm looking at you."
"I love you," I told him, feeling sentimental.
"I love you," he replied. "Will you read me another book? A little one? I want another book! READ ME ANOTHER BOOK, MOM! I WANT ANOTHER BOOK!! DON'T LEAVE MY ROOM! I WANT ANOTHER BOOK!" (So much for an emotional moment.)
I went downstairs to watch the news with Aaron, then went to bed around 10 p.m. Just like that, my contractions fizzled out. I had a few in the middle of the night but nothing consistent enough to be the 'real deal.'
And so Aaron got up and went to work as usual this morning, I brought Adam to daycare, I came home and worked - very similar to yesterday's routine only this time I wasn't feeling euphoric. I was feeling deflated. When will this little one arrive?!
It's been nice working from home this week, even though I miss the social interaction. I just didn't think I could handle the well-intentioned "STILL no baby?!?" comments in the office. Plus I'm not feeling 100 percent (why am I SO wiped out?), I didn't want to drive downtown and deal with parking, I didn't want to take the bus, and I didn't want to worry about going into labor while at work. Also? I didn't want strangers in the skyway staring at me like I'm some exotic zoo animal. (Haven't they ever seen a really, really pregnant woman before?)
So I made my appointment for Friday morning, all the while hoping that I won't need to keep it. I am grateful that Button will be full-term when I know so many babies are born prematurely — with moderate to severe health issues — but it's incredibly hard not to feel manic depressive when your due date comes (yeah! the magical day has arrived!) and goes (boo! the magical day has gone!)
In the (somewhat modified words) of Fugazi: "I am a patient girl, I wait, I wait, I wait, I wait ..."

This baby is in no rush whatsoever

I had my 39-week doctor's appointment yesterday and my doctor told me there have been no changes as far as dilating/effacing and it doesn't appear that my body is preparing for labor in any way. She can tell I'm uncomfortable and mentally drained but doesn't want to induce me just yet. And to be honest, I don't really believe in early inductions so I'm OK with that. I mean, women have been delivering healthy babies since the dawn of time, long before the invention of Pitocin and forced contractions and medically-unnecessary c-sections. It's not as if my baby is in distress in any way - it's just ME that's in distress, and I'll survive. "Think of it this way," my mom said to me after I told her about my appointment. "As long as your baby is in your womb, you won't have to listen to it crying." So true! And this way I can look forward to reading the books I just purchased, rather than waiting to read them until I return to work in August. So ... I made my 40-week appointment for June 1, where my membranes will be stripped (that sounds awful, doesn't it? But really I think it sounds worse than it is) and if that doesn't get the show on the road, I will be induced either June 5 or 6. I don't like the idea of being induced, but I do like the idea of having an "end date" and a light at the end of the tunnel, so that's the plan for now. I just keep hoping Button will arrive before then ... maybe this weekend? Fingers crossed!

Waiting for Button to arrive

I am SO CLOSE to my due date (according to my 10-week ultrasound I'm due May 28 - in three days, and according to my doctor's office and my estimated last cycle, I'm due June 2) and I feel like a (really round) kid anticipating Christmas. Is today the big day? Will we get to meet Baby Button today? When will we get to know if we have another son or a daughter? Who will Button look like? How big will he/she be?
And then there are the labor and delivery thoughts that follow me throughout the day.
Will my water break on the bus? (God I hope not. "I'm so sorry, sir, you might want to move. You're about to be sitting in my amniotic fluid.") Will it break while I'm walking through the skyway? Will people think I wet my pants? Will it be a little gush or Niagra Falls? I read somewhere that only 8 percent of all pregnant women experience their water breaking, so maybe I'll be in the other 92 percent again. (The nurse had to manually break my water with Adam.)
Will my contractions be the same as they were with Adam, or completely different? Will I know - without a doubt - that I'm in active labor? Will I be able to labor at home for awhile, or feel like I should head straight to the hospital? Will I have the resolve/strength to skip the epidural? (I had a HORRIBLE reaction to the epi when having Adam ... Aaron said it was like I had Parkinson's disease, I couldn't stop shaking, and I couldn't catch my breath - it felt like I had an elephant on my chest.) Will I tear? Will Button catch on to breastfeeding right away?
Yesterday I had a particularly trying day at work. I was tired (sleeping is a challenge now that I'm carrying a mini watermelon around on my belly), I was uncomfortable, I was ANNOYED with the number of stupid people who asked, "Still no baby?!" I hit a wall mentally. I know I only have DAYS left of this pregnancy, but sometimes it feels as if I will be pregnant forever. My boss allowed me to work from home today, and after a great night of rest last night, I feel much, much better. I guess I just needed some quality sleep (and a break from the freak-show stares I receive when I'm working downtown) for an attitude adjustment. I have a doctor's appointment in 30 minutes and hopefully my doc tells me I've dilated even more. I know she can't predict when Button will come, but it sure would be nice to hear these words "I'd be surprised if you're still pregnant in a day or two."
I am so ready to meet this baby.

Power of two

It's been five years (!!) since Aaron and I said "I do." What a wild ride it's been (And I wouldn't change a single thing.) I never forget how lucky I am to have married such a wonderful man. He truly is my best friend ... and a really great dad, too.

What are your middle names?
Michelle and Mark

How long have you been together?
We started dating in the spring of 2000

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Aaron started working at Lillie News in August of 1999, a year after I started.

Who asked whom out?
He asked me out.

How old are each of you?
I was born in 1975; he was born in 1973

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Probably mine (two brothers and a sister), although we see his two sisters and brother at least once a month.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Finding a work/parenthood/life balance

Did you go to the same school?
I took the direct route of graduating from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire in 4 years, he took an indirect route to the University of Minnesota after going to UMD & joining the Army (Reserves) first.

Are you from the same hometown?
I grew up in North St. Paul, he grew up in Coon Rapids

Who is smarter?
I think we’re equally intelligent.

Who is the most sensitive?
That’s a toss-up.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We don’t really have one specific place.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Whistler, B.C.

Who has the craziest exes?
Probably me, but I don’t like the word crazy. I’d prefer INTERESTING.

Who has the worst temper?
We’re both pretty laidback.

Who does the cooking?
Definitely Aaron — and he’s really good at it, too!

Who is the neat-freak?
Me

Who is more stubborn?
Me

Who hogs the bed?
Aaron

Who wakes up earlier?
Me on weekdays; Aaron on weekends

Where was your first date?
Sophia’s on St. Anthony Main and then to Nye’s for polka!

Who is more jealous?
I would have said me in the beginning of our relationship, now I think we have a solid foundation of trust.

What was your worst fight?
Tacos vs. burritos. No, seriously, I can't remember a "worst fight." Any fight is a bad one. Who likes to fight with their s/o?

How long did it take to get serious?
A few months. I liked him from the very first conversation we had (after-hours) at the newspaper, and my crush grew when we became lunch buddies and workout buddies. (Shout out to the NSP Community Center!)

Who eats more?
He eats more when we sit down for dinner, but I snack more throughout the day.

Who does the laundry?
Both of us

Who is more social?
Me. I love meeting people and hearing stories. And staying at wedding receptions/reunions/parties until we're two of the last few standing. (Sorry, Aaron!)

Who is more spontaneous?
Me

Who is more athletic?
Definitely Aaron ... but I enjoy playing softball and kickball and I'm glad I got back into running last year. Oh, and I'm a force to reckon with when it comes to ladder golf.

Who is more well-read?
I am, I am!

Who's better with the computer?
Aaron. He's better with all things technology. I just don't care that much. (I still use a flip phone & I don't text message. Is that so wrong?)

Who's more romantic?
Aaron. Every year on our anniversary he has sent me a bouquet of white tulips — the flower we used as centerpieces on our wedding day. And it's not just about receiving gifts, he's incredibly thoughtful, too. Sometimes the little things mean more than the big ones, ya know?

What was your wedding song?
"Power of two" by the Indigo Girls

What do you remember most about your wedding day?
Celebrating our love with our very favorite people in the world (when else can you host a big party with so many of your loved ones?), the girls getting ready together, our vows (we wrote our own), our soloist Brooke, dedicating songs to our wedding party in the party bus, stopping at the Liffey for Irish Car Bombs, heartfelt speeches, dancing the night away, feeling blessed and lucky and so, so, so happy!

"Adding up a total of a love that's true. Multiply life by the power of two ..."

Dad, I need something!

top photo: Adam in his big boy bed. (Finally!) On April 3, we went to an Easter egg hunt sponsored by the Lexington Fire Department (Aaron’s dad is heavily involved and we wanted to show our support). There was not one, but two Easter bunnies roaming around at the park, which made Adam extremely skittish. You can see here, from the look on his face, that he could’ve cared less about the candy and was more concerned that the Easter bunny might somehow sneak up on him and get too close.


A conversation with Adam in March:
Me: “Good night Adam. Sleep tight.”
Adam, eyes wide open: “Did you hear that noise?”
Me (getting a little freaked out): “What noise?”
Adam (in a terrified whisper): “I think the Easter bunny is downstairs!”
Me: “Adam, the Easter bunny isn’t coming for another month. That’s a long time.”
Adam: “He’s not coming now? He’s not coming tomorrow?”
Me: “No.”
Adam: “Ok. Good night.”

Another conversation April 1:
Me: “The Easter bunny is coming in a few days, Adam. You’ll get to find Easter eggs and your Easter basket! Maybe you’ll even get some candy!”
Adam: “He’s coming now?”
Me: “No, in a few days.”
Adam: “To our house?”
Me: “Yes.”
Adam: “I don’t want him to come to our house.”
Me: “Your dad and I will let him in and let him out.”
Adam: “I don’t want him here.”
Me: “Ok. What if we ask him to drop off your basket with the neighbor?”
Adam: Silence.
Me: “What if we tell him not to come this year?”
Adam: “Good.”

Easter came and went without a whole lot of hoopla this year (besides the fact that Adam was terrified of the Easter bunny). I’m embarrassed to admit that we didn’t even make it to church.
Aaron’s daycare provider had an egg hunt for the kids on April 1, where I discovered that he really doesn’t like jellybeans (what?!) but loves those icky marshmallow Peeps. Guess who ate all of his jellybeans?
On Saturday we went to the Lexington egg hunt in the morning, where he scored a bag of Cheez-its and one plastic egg that we redeemed for a book. He got knocked down about a second into the start of the egg hunt (sheer chaos) and immediately started crying, so it was really Aaron who grabbed the crackers and egg on Adam’s behalf.
We enjoyed a more relaxed egg hunt on Easter Sunday at my parents’ house. This time the eggs were filled with coins rather than candy. His godparents, Auntie Trish and Uncle Shawn, bought him a stuffed bunny and singing card, which he will probably still be listening to in January, and he went nuts over a plastic golf set purchased by my parents (not delivered by the Easter bunny) and had fun “kipping the ball” around their backyard. Aaron has since purchased a “real” club for him from Golf Galaxy because the kid has become obsessed with golf (and baseball … and Joe Mauer … and anything with a ball, really. If he isn’t interested in playing sports when he’s older, I will be shocked.) Aaron has been SUCH a good dad, too, playing in the backyard for hours with the little squirt. I can't wait until I can lift/bend/run again and get my ENERGY back!
At 4 p.m. we went over to Grandma Patti’s house where he was spoiled yet again—this time with candy, toys, and rain boots (Patti used the boots as a basket. Really cute idea.) We ate more good food, hung out with the fam, and visited until nearly 8:30. We celebrated my brother and sister-in-law’s 26th birthday, too (the twins actual bday is April 10). I really am blessed to have married into such a wonderful family.

The big news in our household is that Adam is now sleeping in a big boy bed!!!!!!! We bought him a twin bed and started the transition a few weeks ago and he’s exceeded our wildest expectations. The first few nights I sat next to his bed until he fell asleep, and now we just have to read him a few books and tell him “We’re all in the house together and if you need anything, just yell for one of us.” With that in mind, he typically falls asleep about 10-15 minutes after we leave his room.
Actually, the first night Aaron told him that, about five minutes later—as we were watching the end of Idol—we heard an urgent, “Dad! Dad! I need something!” coming from Adam’s room.
Aaron went up to investigate. “What do you need, buddy?”
“I need something.”
“What is the something you need?”
“Um, I need lunch?”
It was pretty cute. I think he was testing Aaron’s theory to make sure we’d respond asap if he called for one of us.

In sad news, a friend’s dad passed away right before St. Patrick’s Day, at the young age of 69. She was extremely close to him, being the baby in a large Catholic family, and I can’t stop thinking about how final death is. How he was here one minute and now he’s not. How she can’t share news with him and he won’t get to see her kids grow up and she can’t hug him or kiss him or tell him she loves him. How her mom is a widow now. ☹
And another friend of a close friend’s mom passed away—very suddenly—while vacationing in Vegas. She was only 62. One minute she was simply going on vacation; the next minute her kids were flying out to Nevada to say goodbye.
I didn’t like it when my friend’s grandparents started dying, and I hate it now that we’ve moved onto the next line of defense—our parents. My dad just turned 60; my mom just turned 59. In my eyes, they’re both still so YOUNG. They haven’t had a chance to enjoy retirement yet. Can you imagine working hard your whole life and then Death cheating you out of your hard-earned retirement years? I can accept that death is part of the natural cycle of life, but I can’t accept it when someone dies suddenly before the age of 80.

On the flip side, I also have a lot of friends who either just had babies or are having babies, and I love, love, love the “Baby Boom.” Some of my closest friends had babies or are having babies. Karla had Aliza in September, AJ had Violet in January, Amanda had a baby boy, Mason, on April 7, and Amy had a baby boy, Broder, on April 9. My childhood friend Gina is due at the beginning of May, Megan is due with #2 at the end of October (yeah!), her sister is due in July, and two of my coworkers are due in July or August (one coworker is in my department and we’ve become friends through our shared pregnancies, the other is leaving in two weeks and I’ll probably never talk to her again). I keep waiting for other friends—both those here in town and those living out-of-state—to make “the announcement.” Bring on the bambinos!

As far as my own pregnancy, I’m pretty sure people stare at me with a mixture of awe/terror as I waddle into week #34. I hate feeling self-conscious. I especially feel that way when people ask, “You have HOW MUCH time left in your pregnancy?” then try to recover the shock in their voice by saying, “I didn’t mean it like that. You look good! You can’t even tell you’re pregnant from behind!” Well, good, because the last time I checked, I wasn’t carrying the baby in my ass. It’s hard not to feel defensive when someone tells you that you look HUGE.

Speaking of where this baby is hanging out, I think Button recently dropped lower in my pelvic region. Yahoo! I’m feeling so much better than I’ve felt in a long time. I was carrying so high that I could feel Button’s kicks right below the underwire on my bra and I’m pretty sure he/she was squashing my lungs, making it hard to breathe. Now I can get up out of a seated position without huffing and puffing, I can walk without waddling (as noticeably), and I can fall sleep without feeling like I’m squishing my baby (I know babies are cushioned by amniotic fluid but it's still a weird sensation to feel your baby moving underneath you at night, ya know?) I can even lie on my back for a few minutes at night without getting a panicky suffocating feeling. I wonder if this shift in how I’m carrying means Button is head down now? My doc said she won’t check until 36 weeks, so I guess – even if Button is preparing to launch – it wouldn’t really matter just yet, because he/she could still spin around in that little space and wind up transverse. I hope, hope, hope the baby is head down eventually because I would love to be spared a cesarean section.

One coworker said she loved her two c-sections and wouldn’t want a vaginal delivery. Really? She said she’s had friends tell her, “After you deliver naturally, it looks like a bomb went off down there” and “sex just isn’t the same afterward” (I disagree — your body is very, um, elastic and meant to stretch.) Another friend had four c-sections and said it was as easy as “making a dentist appointment and coming home with a baby.” Really? It’s MAJOR SURGERY. It freaks me out to think of being prepped for surgery (with Aaron suited up in scrubs to make it even more scary/real) and it freaks me out to think of having to lie flat on my back on the examining table —all naked and spread eagled … unable to move … as surgeons cut me open and REMOVE MY ORGANS (uterus, ovaries, intestines) to pull out the baby and placenta. It freaks me out to think of the risks of blood clots and painful gas buildup in my abdomen after they stitch me back up and the possibility of the c-section scar getting infected. I don’t want to have to take morphine for the pain and I don’t want to deal with a longer recovery. If the surgery is necessary (Button is breech, distressed, the cord is prolapsed, his/her noggin is just too big to squeeze through my birth canal) then by all means, safely remove my baby via c-section, but if it’s simply a matter of convenience, I’d rather endure painful contractions and an hour and a half of exhausting pushing again.

And last, but not least, spring has finally sprung!!! It is amazing how just seeing the sun again can boost everyone’s spirits.

"April prepares her green traffic light and the world thinks Go."

What comes after 16?

Last night, while Adam and I were coloring (Aaron was at the Wild game), he decided to take a break in order to count the markers. His counting went like this:
"One, two, shree, four, five, six, seven, eight, ten, eleven, twelve, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, sixteen again, sixteen again, sixteen again ..."
Guess we need to work on that a little bit.