All My Love and Everything

The youngest 

Hurry up! I got more playin' to do!

No cavities!
(I had to snap this one quick and dart out of the room so he wouldn't see me.)

Cheers! (Heeeeeere's Ben!)

Did you get a good one?

I'm ok, as long as I don't have to touch the slimy fish.

"You're cute, Mom," he will sometimes say when I walk through the door. "My little mommy, my good mommy, I love my mommy." His kisses are forceful (he will actually pull your face to his and plant one on you, hard), his hugs are of the squeeze-the-life-out-of-you variety, a borderline wrestling hold. When he's really excited, he will grind his teeth and clench his jaw and you can almost feel the energy radiating from his solid little body. You know where you stand with him. You're either in, or you're out. There is no in-between. He is almost three now, and tells people his birthday is "Six June." He likes Batman and Star Wars and Word Girl and Dora. He loves swimming lessons and will stand on the ledge, demanding you to "go back, go back, go back more" before he jumps into the water (so he can jump farther and make a bigger splash before we catch him). He is a natural in the water. When we stayed at The Wilderness indoor waterpark (Wis. Dells) this spring, he was in his element—going down waterslides designed for kids much older than him, kids who have been out of swim diapers for years. He was liberatingly fearless (go for it!) and terrifyingly fearless (he went for it?!) all at once. He rarely stopped moving. He loves to ride on the carousel at Maplewood Mall, preferably in the tea cup, but he'll also ride on the black horse. He tried rollerskating at cousin Lane's 8th birthday party and—while he couldn't stand on his own skates without toppling over—he had fun going around and around with Dad holding him up. (Adam was more of a wet noodle, and only wanted to go around the rink once before taking off his skates to play video games the rest of the night.) His favorite foods are cheeseburgers with fries and rotisserie chicken and pickles and olives and oranges and Cheetos and apple slices and grapes and just about any type of candy. He drinks a lot of milk. He would chew gum every day if we let him. He likes to play any of the sports his big brother plays (soccer, basketball, t-ball), but is also much more content than his big brother to simply sit and watch a movie. He is independent, and sometimes chooses to play alone, even if there are other kids around. He is infatuated with his big cousin Kayla. He can be embarrassingly stubborn and surly and downright cantankerous (I hate that! That's stupid! I don't like you! You're mean!), even though we tell him over and over that we don't use those words and we give him time-outs and we try to lead by example. (I'm really, really, really hoping this is a phase.) He loves to rough-house and wrestle with anyone. He can be extremely sensitive when he thinks people are laughing at him, even though sometimes it seems like he wants you to laugh. He sometimes talks to his blankies (green and blue), he sometimes talks to himself, he talks to us a mile a minute when he's excited (and talks and talks!). He likes to state that I work "downtown Minneapolis" and he lives in "St. Paul Minnesota" and he loves to tell knock-knock jokes that always start with "knock knock? who's there? banana. banana who?" and then fall apart after that (his punchlines never make any sense, which drives his brother crazy). He's learning to put on his shoes and is finally showing interest in using the potty and pretty soon he will be taking showers and getting himself dressed and brushing his own teeth and he won't need my help. Pretty soon he will be taller than I am and his voice will be changing and he'll be ordering steak at restaurants and I'll be wondering, "What happened to my baby?" When I fast-forward time, I picture him having the edge on his older brother—in height, in strength, in certain sports, with certain girls—and taking for granted the things that come so easily to him. I picture him as tall, dark, and handsome, with that thick mop of brown hair, those big brown eyes, those dimples (!), that mischievous smile. I picture him calmly accepting life (the good and bad) rather than constantly questioning it, I picture him showing his love with a good natured slug on the shoulder, a Hallmark card, a bouquet of roses. I picture him as the quintessential 'guy's guy' who can play and talk sports, hunting, and fishing, who appreciates the beauty of classic cars and motorcycles, who listens to good music, who has the ability to fit in with anyone, anywhere (when he wants to). I picture him having solitary hobbies and adopting a "take me or leave me" mentality (sometimes maybe a little more "leave me" than I'd prefer). I picture him rolling his eyes when I tease him about being a chubby baby (22 pounds at four months!) and how we used to call him a "crabby old man" when he was 2 years old and how—even though he could be cranky and defiant—he always, always had a sweet side, too, when he would beg me to tickle him under his chin and kiss me again and again and again and announce out of the blue, "I know who you are, Mom. You're Grandpa's little girl, and you're my mommy and I love YOU!" I picture him laughing at photos of him in his Batman costume, wearing it all year until it literally started bursting at the seams. And don't forget the painted toenails ... not once, not twice, but on three separate occasions, first red, then coral, then blue, then a command: "What are you doing to me, Mom? Take this off, NOW." (Oh, how easily impressionable little ones are. Uncle Jeremy will never live that one down.)  I picture us having fun together, laughing together, understanding one another, respecting one another, sharing inside jokes. I picture us always having this crazy intense connection, this bond.

He is Led Zeppelin's "All My Love."

The oldest 

Two "Poachlay" gift cards!

Waiting patiently for his dental check-up.

Oh-no, oh-no, oh-no, I'm gonna get dumped on by the water bucket!

First catch of the season. Cold May morning.

All smiles at the Gammelgarden Museum in Scandia.

"Mom, do you know where Jupiter is?" he asked one day on the drive from preschool to daycare (to pick up Ben), our few non-rushed minutes of uninterrupted together time.
How nice, I thought. He learned about the solar system today.  
"Um, isn't that one the biggest planet?" I asked.
What else, what else? What was that mnemonic device again? My Very Educated Mother Just Served us Nine Pizzas? Only hasn't Pluto been kicked off the list now? So anyhow, let's see, my-one, very-two, educated-three, mother-four, just-five. "It's the fifth planet from the sun." (Ha!)
"Did you know that girls go to Jupiter, to get more stupider?" he asked with wide-eyed innocence.
"That's not a nice thing to say," I caught his gaze in the rear view mirror and made a stern 'do-not-approve' face.
"Girls go to Jupiter, to get more stupider, except for YOU," he clarified. "I want you to come to Mars with the boys. I want to be with you all the time."
He is sweetness and light and innocence, worried about everyone and everything he loves. He will do things like hold my hand as we're sitting on the couch, then proclaim, "Your fingers are cold" and intertwine his toasty little fingers into mine, warming me up. His kisses are soft and sweet, his hugs are gentle. He is sincere and loving and optimistic and asks to be held every now and then and—unlike his little brother—loves cuddling on the couch. He has innocent crushes on Annika, Autumn, Shelby, Riley, Avery, and the stylist who cuts his hair. (I'm so scared that he will be the one to fall in love with the wrong girl only to have his heart shattered ... and I won't be able to fix it for him.) He loves to do math problems in his workbooks, he likes art projects and has complete confidence when coloring or painting, he regularly asks how to spell words and wishes he knew how to read already. He likes Star Wars and Word Girl and has tried to convince me on more than occasion that he wouldn't be scared of the Harry Potter movies. (right) He hates it when his clothes get wet and immediately wants to change if he spills or dribbles (he also hates tags on the back of his shirts; I have to cut them out). He is scared of the dark, scared of loss, scared of witches and ghosts and bad guys and his over-active imagination pictures worst-case scenarios on an exhaustingly regular basis. When he is overtired, he can be irrational, screaming and kicking when he doesn't get his way (whether it's being denied a glass of juice or telling him it's time to go when he wants to play just one more game of Wipeout or Wii bowling or Super Mario Bros. or wanting to do whatever his cousins or friends are doing—running around outside in stocking feet, not finishing lunch, excluding the little kids—even though I asked him to put on shoes, take a few more bites, play nice with everyone). He is friendly and tends to make friends easily, whether at school or the McDonald's playland. His best friends at daycare are Sam, Zander, and Ben (awww); at preschool they are CJ, Ian, and Michael; at family gatherings he & his cousin Logan are inseparable; he enjoys playing with all of our friends' kids —Ryan and Leah, Sofia and Reese, Greta and Aliza, Sadie and Jacob, Broder and Kaitlyn, little Jack and Clinton bean. He loves telling jokes and making up silly punchlines. He likes chicken nuggets and Kit-Kats and donuts with white frosting and waffles and french fries and Chipotle burrito bowls with white rice, black beans, no meat, no onions, no pepper, tomatoes, sour cream, cheese, and guac on the side (for the chips). He would rather be active than sedentary (like his dad), whether he's helping with yard work, playing catch or soccer in the backyard, or shooting baskets inside. He loves playing games like Uno, Trouble, Doggie Doo, or Apples to Apples, even though he can't read the Apples to Apples cards and needs to play with a partner. He loves staying overnight in Forest Lake and gets excited when we spend a weekend there. He stays busy using his shovel to dig in his mud pile out back or doing his workbooks or playing board or card games with Grandma or throwing rocks in the lake or kicking a ball around in the backyard or helping Grandpa make french toast in the morning. His eyes light up at the mention of going to Grandma Patti's, where he knows he'll have her undivided attention, unbridled energy, and love, and he knows he'll get to eat what he wants and play Nintendo or drive the Power Wheels cars around the yard or color pictures or play ball outside or walk to Walgreen's. He is fascinated by people and places and pets. (He's asking for a dog for his birthday; and if that doesn't happen, he's asking Santa for a dog this Christmas. Oh goody.) When I fast-forward time to when he's a teenager, I picture him thinking the most like me, questioning, wondering, needing acceptance. I picture him surrounded by good people of all walks of life, trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, thoughtfully paying attention to his loved ones' favorite foods, favorite songs, favorite flowers, favorite colors (then surprising them later), scared of change, scared of failure, finding comfort in the safe and sometimes mundane. I picture him successfully coping with his anxiety through breathing techniques so he doesn't get physically ill before a big baseball game, a big exam, a job interview (that dang anxiety!). I picture him with stunning good looks: A beautiful smile, golden blonde hair, smooth skin, and a toned, lean build, oblivious to the scores of girls (many who he thinks of as "just friends") who are mesmerized by those pretty green eyes and long lashes. Handsome yet humble. I picture him being really good at math, in art, in baseball, in track and field. I picture him as an all-around stand-up guy. I picture us having long heartfelt talks and asking one another for advice and laughing about things only we find funny and sharing secrets and considering ourselves a rock-hard, unstoppable duo. Best friends.
He is Michael Buble's "Everything."

Double the trouble, double the fun

It's not as good a fort as Uncle Shawny would build, but it'll do.

 Como Zoo, followed by lunch at Cheeky Monkey Deli.
The three of us had a blast together!

On the carousel at Maplewood Mall (in the tea cup).
 I almost puked. They were fine.

Behold the power of the Swedish Dala horse!
It can transform sometimes-enemies into fast friends.

Next up = Summer sunshine, backyard bbqs with good friends, trips to the beach, birthday parties (Ben's third, Aaron's 40th, Adam's sixth, parties for cousins Max and Morgan), our annual college get-together near Green Bay, our annual family trip (to Itasca this year), camping weekend at Hok-si-la, my 20-year high school reunion (hopefully with Tonya in attendance!), annual lake-front get-together with the Blaine/CR crew (17 kids ranging from super adorable twin one-year-old girls to a 12-year-old who has them all wrapped around her little finger), and a family reunion in Madison. Exhausting and busy, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. 

Remember when 'sleeping in' meant sleeping 'til after 10 a.m.? Ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa

Never for a minute do I forget how fortunate we are to have two beautiful, healthy, super active little boys who fill our house with noise and laughter and love. 

But I am tired. 

I am tired from working full-time then going straight to preschool or daycare and picking up the kids for an evening of constant supervision/stimulation/engagement. On some days, I'm jealous of the free time, the unscheduled “me” time my child-less coworkers have. I borrowed Pan’s Labrynth from my brother a year ago and have yet to watch it, because I can’t seem to find the time. I can’t watch it with the kids around, and when they’re in bed, I just want to read while reveling in the quiet. 

I am tired of refereeing fights, even though I know this is a normal part of growing up with a brother or sister. I actually heard a statistic that kids who are close in age fight every seven minutes. Sounds about right to me. Best friends one minute (kissing, hugging, playing, laughing, light-saber fighting); biggest enemies the next. (Adam likes to tell his little brother “You are not my friend anymore!” when he gets mad at Ben; Ben likes to say “You are not my brudder anymore!”). I feel like I’m constantly saying, “That is not ok! Now say you are sorry!” or “Did you hit him? Did you kick him? What happened?” or “That is not acceptable!”

I am tired of giving time-outs.

I am tired of not knowing what my friends are talking about when they rehash the latest popular TV shows (I want to be able to discuss Downton Abbey or Parenthood or Game of Thrones; not Word Girl!). 

I am tired of feeling guilty when I have a short fuse and snap and yell at my kids (it doesn’t happen very often, but when it does I instantly regret it — I know I’m setting a terrible example by responding to a tense situation with yelling. It only escalates the problem and shows the boys that I’m out of control. I’m working on it!) and I should be a better, more calm, more rational, more patient mom, and why am I letting my impressionable children watch cartoons? Shouldn’t we all be playing Candy Land around the dining room table? Shouldn’t I be down on the ground, playing cars and trucks with them? Shame on me. Don’t I realize how fleeing this is ... this stage in their lives? Before I know it, they will be grown and won’t want to play with me and I’ll wish I had spent more time on the ground, playing cars and trucks when I had the chance.

And sometimes I do get down on the ground and play cars and trucks with them (the dishes can wait! The laundry can wait! Isn’t it worth it to see the joy on their faces!?! Just enjoy them, everything else can wait!), and other times I just want to not think for a little while. I want to zone out while watching The Big Bang Theory or How I Met Your Mother and not change a diaper (nearly every day has consisted of someone else’s poop for 5.5 years), or get more milk or wash dishes (we still don’t have a dishwasher) or fold laundry or sweep the kitchen floor or pick up toys or give baths or try to get the kids to go to bed without a fight. (No matter how tired I am, though, I love reading books. I love when we’re all snuggled together on the big bed, Adam on one side of me, Ben on the other, temporarily lost in whatever magical world we’re part of that night.)

When you have a newborn, you are physically tired. The sleep deprivation … the on-demand feedings … the adjusting to the new normal (remember when you used to shower regularly? Put on makeup? Do you hair?), the worrying, the wondering (is that a feed-me cry? A hold-me cry? A change-me cry? An “I’m-bored” cry? An “I-don’t-feel-good” cry?), the Googling when something doesn’t seem quite right and “It’s probably nothing but ...” sheepish nurse line phone calls and even-if-the-baby-is-sleeping-you-can’t-sleep-the-way-you-used-to-because-your-senses-are-now-on-high-alert kind of tired. It’s very exhausting.  

With a newborn, the less sleep you get, the more you crave. Sleep is like a drug. You become obsessed thinking about when you’re going to get your next “fix.”

And then, when your baby is older, you miss that infant stage. That stage consisted of three main responsibilities: feed the baby, change the baby, hold the baby. (Love the baby is a given.) Those needs can be met in a very efficient manner. 

When your baby is older, you become tired in a different way. There is the sheer physical exhaustion of chasing a toddler, yes, but now you are also responsible for coming home after a full day of work and preparing healthy meals (no more fend-for-yourself dinnertime mentality), and making sure your child knows right from wrong, and teaching good manners, and helping them learn how to effectively handle a temper tantrum (it is hard trying to teach your kids how to calmly and rationally deal with anger or frustration that doesn’t involve yelling or throwing a sippy cup across the room or calling someone/something dumb or stupid), and teaching tolerance, and acceptance, and kindness, and compassion, and respect, and independence (“No, Ben, you can put on your own shoes”), and the importance of sharing, and not talking to strangers, and how they will have more friends if they play fair, and how they must wash, wash, wash those little hands, and brush, brush, brush those little teeth, and how we must always hold hands in parking lots, and “No toys when we go into Target this time” means “No toys when we go into Target this time” and the fact that—at the end of a long day—your family is everything (whether that family consists of two dads or two moms or one mom or one dad or a mom and a dad). Once your child starts walking and talking and copying what you say and do, you are responsible for putting every important lesson into place in the hopes that you are raising someone you will feel proud to be friends with someday. 

And sometimes it seems like everyone talks and blogs about how much they love their kids (duh) and how their kids are so beautiful and smart and funny and witty and charming and sweet and wonderful, but few ever talk about the days when parenthood feels hard, ya know? It is hard, whether we're running on two hours of sleep or eight. Maybe part of it is that we all just need some uninterrupted sleep ... but I think an even bigger part is that maybe we need to be more patient and kind with ourselves and keep doing the best we can. 

Our parents raised us with far fewer resources and safety measures (no carseats! smoking during pregnancy!) and we all turned out just fine, but I also read a quote that parents today have it so much harder than our parents did. We’re now supposed to parent a certain way—there are so many expectations and social pressures to “effectively” parent and have that just-like-in-the-movies perfect family.

Our parents were just people with kids. 

You Turn Around, and It's Time To Let Them Go

I'm feeling a little sentimental tonight. I don't know if it's because some of my younger friends are having either their first or second babies and it's bringing back memories, or because my parents are now both retired and when I see them they seem so well-rested and happy and appreciative of one another and it's just all so well-deserved, or because I just listened to a beautiful, moving song by Band of Horses (Detlef Schrempf), or because Adam is going to kindergarten next fall. We went to his registration tonight, and we're going to have a school-ager next year. This is monumental for our little family because this? This doesn't seem all that long ago, really.

So tiny! And so alert!

Nothing more sexy than a good dad.

Baby toes!!

Our cherub.

It's funny how elementary schools change but don't really change much at all. There aren't chalkboards anymore (today's teachers have smartboards), but there are still little drinking fountains, little chairs, little coat hooks in the halls, messy classrooms, colorful construction paper all over the walls, evidence everywhere of innocence and positive energy and hopes and dreams that know no boundaries. When you're removed from it, you forget how magical it is.

Our soon-to-be kindergartener is at a very fun and very frustrating stage. It's frustrating because he's all about pushing his boundaries and limits ... and even though I know I should just ignore him when he's deliberately pushing my buttons, or speak "gently and quietly" and remove him from the situation when he's having a temper tantrum (aren't kids supposed to outgrow those?), it's ridiculously hard to ignore that  behavior when it's coming from an otherwise very intelligent 5.5 year old who knows better than to act like that, or speak in a gentle tone when what I really want to do is scream. I know he knows his behavior is unacceptable, and he's remorseful afterwards, but for the 5 minutes that he's acting up, it's extremely frustrating to know how to discipline him in the most effective way.  Yesterday he had three "pushing boundaries" episodes. Once when I made him stop playing a computer game ("You're SO MEAN! I like Dad better than you!"), once when he was hell-bent on knocking down a snowman we had made with my parents at their house even though both my dad and I asked him not to (he didn't), and once when it was time to leave a fast-food restaurant playland ("I hate you!"). Already with the hurtful 'hate you'? Ouch. Dear Hormonal Teenage Girl, please give me back my sweet, sensitive son. Thank you.

We named her Frostina.

It's fun because Adam is a sponge, soaking up knowledge. He loves numbers (his favorite game right now is the card game War), and regularly asks to do "homework" in his math and spelling workbooks (will he actually like doing homework next year? Or does he just like it now because it's not required learning?). He can count by tens and can count past 100 and is learning his letters and sight words and comes home with facts like "water and oil don't mix" and "the sun is a star" and it's going to be so cool when he starts reading. He has an excellent memory, he's very interested in people and remembers names (even the names of my friends' pets!), and in a lot of ways he thinks the same way I think (except for his love of math and numbers, that's all Aaron). He has a big heart and is very empathetic. He still gets scared easily, but bedtime is becoming less and less of a battle. He likes Star Wars and Flat Stanley and has three girlfriends, Avery, Autumn, and Annika, all older women between the ages of 8 and 11. He likes to help Aaron shovel, likes to play outside, likes to throw snowballs and rough-house and act like a typical boy ... and yet he is soft, sensitive, raw in many ways. He is an old soul who, according to author Sheryl Paul, "lives with an exposed heart, aware of the fleeting nature of life and the noble truth that things are always shifting, changing, dying." (It's true, too, he worries about loss and change more than any 5-year-old ever should.) He still brings a laminated photo of Aaron and I to preschool every day, and keeps it in his pants pocket for when he feels homesick. He wears a friendship bracelet from Annika, who bought it for him at the State Fair last year, and a Star Wars watch from Grandma Patti. He doesn't care (or notice?) that no one else in his class wears jewelry, and I love that he's doing his own thing. He likes to collect money and stickers and marbles and still sorts his toys, moving them from one Lunds shopping bag into the next room, unloading the pile and returning for more, trip by trip. He thinks football is boring, but can't wait to play t-ball again this summer (still on the fence about soccer). He sings in the car when he's happy. He really wants to get a dog and asks about it at least once a week. He is very timid when he first meets someone new, but once he decides he likes that person, he or she has a faithful friend for life. He gets a big smile on his face when he sees me at preschool at the end of the day, runs up to me, throws his arms around me, and voluntarily holds my hand as we walk together to his locker. It is the best welcome ever. He creates beautiful, colorful paintings and pictures, loves playing Legos, could play Star Wars games on our computer for hours (if we let him), is addicted to playing a biking game on Aaron's iPhone, and really got into Wii boxing and bowling (ok, he's only played three times—always at Julie and JT's house—but he was a natural!). He likes swimming lessons, but is very serious when he's in the pool. He's so intent on listening and following directions that he won't even look at me or smile, but then tells me he can't wait to go back to swimming lessons next weekend. He makes me laugh when he's being goofy (the newest is knock-knock jokes with silly punchlines that don't make any sense), he makes me feel proud when he's being a helpful big brother, he makes my heart swell when he's being sweet and thoughtful, he makes me stop and think and appreciate the simple things that we sometimes forget to notice as busy adults. (Kids are good for that.) He is truly one of the loves of our lives. We still have a few more months before kindergarten starts, but we're ready. Good things are in his future, I just know it.

Best friends

Year in Review

It can be tough to find the inspiration/motivation to post on this blog when my full-time job is to write, write, write—plus I've been so dang tired lately with the boys waking up anywhere from two to five times a night (now Ben also gets out of his bed — my sleep is so interrupted I feel like we have a newborn again!) that if I wait for inspiration to strike, I might not feel like blogging on here until April ... so here goes.  

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?

Tried a peanut butter burger at the Blue Door with my buddy Julie (it was good), enjoyed a fancy anniversary dinner at the Saint Paul Hotel with my better half, went to the Kalahari, traveled to Crivitz, Wis. for a rowdy college get-together, experienced the magic of the Pizza Farm for Jeremy’s birthday, sent Adam to preschool (oh, the anxiety and the heartache!), saw Madonna in concert, ran 10 miles with Aaron faithfully by my side, watched Adam play t-ball and soccer, watched Ben go down waterslides, fearlessly jump off docks, leap from swimming pool ledges, and become obsessed with all things Star Wars and Batman. Oh, and brought Ben to urgent care for stitches in his foot. 

Left Foot Lake, Crivitz, Wis.

Pizza Farm

Training partners for the 10 mile.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
You’d think that one year the whole “move more, eat less” thing would stick and I could finally be at peace with my body.  Maybe this will be my lucky year! (On the plus side, I replaced my daily Diet Sunkist Lemonade habit with good ol’ water, cut down drastically on carbs and red meat, and continue taking the stairs every morning up to the sixth floor.) I know my lifestyle could be a lot better, but it could also be a lot worse. 

3. Did anyone close to you have a child?

Lots of beautiful baby girls! My good friend Remme had twin girls Reese and Sofia March 7, my sister-in-law April had little Lucy July 19, and my dear friend Amy had Kaitlyn Oct. 16 (same birthday as my friend Emily!). More babies to arrive in 2013 (Katie D., Amanda, Katie S., Julie, and Jessica Simpson). Bring on the bambinos!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, dodged another bullet on that one. 

5. Where did you travel?

March: We stayed overnight at a hotel in Rochester for our friend Shane's 40th birthday bash. We had a dance party in a garage (and hangovers the next day). Who says 40-year-olds don't know how to party?!
April: We met good friends at the Kalahari indoor waterpark (Wis. Dells) for three action-packed days. Highly, highly, highly recommend, esp in the "off-peak." (We went from a Tuesday to Thursday or something like that.)
May: I flew solo to Washington to meet Baby Evan and spend quality time with my girl T. While I was on the West Coast, I had the opportunity to hang out with friends Jessica and Terri (dinner at Serafina, drinks at Bathtub Gin Co. and the Upstairs), Morgan and her darling son Easton (who drove up from Portland! Love spending time with Mo, we always pick up where we last left off. She took me under her wings when T and I moved to Portland and I will forever be grateful to her for that. During her visit, we went shopping at Pike Place, then ate at Purple in downtown Seattle. I had the best risotto I've ever had in my whole life there), and then T and I drove to her in-laws house in Gig Harbor where we met up with Beth, who hired a sitter to spend a fun evening with us (dinner/beer at the Tides Tavern and lots and lots of girl talk). I also spent a night in Coeur d'Alene, where I was able to try the infamous pizza at Fire and say hello to T's hubby Sam. Now I know why Megan and Karla rave about Fire. That is some seriously good pizza. 
June: My mom, Aaron, the boys and I spent a weekend at Dickerson’s Lake Florida Resort near Spicer. The boys loved it.
July: We traveled to Crivitz, Wis. to camp/party with the college gang. (Crivitz is north of Green Bay). Lots of beer, lots of kids, lots of laughing.
August: My immediate family (all 11 of us) spent a long weekend at Sugar Lake Lodge in Grand Rapids, Minn. (and had an awesome time!), and at the end of August a group of close friends traveled down to Lake Pepin for another memorable Hok-Si-La camping weekend. 
October: We spent a fun weekend in Madison with my parents, aunt and uncle, and cousins. I hadn't been to Madison in eight years! Why did it take me so long to return? 

I wanna go - to - the KALAHARI!

Dinner at Serafina, Seattle, Wash.

Love that I've kept in touch with "Portland" Morgan over the years.

Chillin' pool-side at Sugar Lake

My side of the fam at Ruttger's Sugar Lake Lodge

Adam fishing at Dickerson's

Evan and T at Fire, CDA, Idaho.

On the steps of Wisconsin's capitol

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?  
A night of blissful uninterrupted sleep! Also, a tear-free first day of school for Adam. 

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory?

Nov. 7, when I woke up feeling hopeful and optimistic after hearing the election results — esp the fantastic outcome of the anti-marriage amendment (we voted no!)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Watching Adam slowly come out of his shell and have fun at t-ball, preschool, soccer, and any new experience outside of his comfort zone. (I know that's not really my achievement, but it sort of felt that way.) Feeling (mostly) proud of my writing.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Over-plucking my eyebrows.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major (knock on wood). I don’t even know if I had the flu last year (knock on a forest).

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Ben’s $20 Batman costume. He could LIVE in that thing. 

Did someone request a Superhero? How about two?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Everyone who voted no on the hateful/hurtful anti-marriage amendment. 

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Adam Lanza, the guy who shot and killed 27 innocent souls—many of them only a year or two older than my Adam—in an elementary school in Newtown, Conn. We live in a scary world and definitely need more support and resources to help the mentally ill in this country, and we need to start having some honest discussions about gun control. I'm not talking about taking away our right to bear arms, I just don't understand why a civilian would need to buy a gun that loads bullets through a 30-round magazine. If you want to buy or carry a military gun, join the freakin' military. Or maybe that's not the right argument. Maybe the argument is—instead of banning certain firearms—we start regulating who and on what conditions people can get a gun license. (Pass a more rigorous background check, start keeping databases of the mentally ill, outlaw certain psychiatric drugs that cause violent behavior.)
I don't know. I'm not pretending to have all the answers ... but something has to happen if we want to prevent these horrific crimes from happening in the future. Remember when there was a time when this kind of "attack" was unimaginable? (The only drills we ever practiced were tornado drills when I was in school.) Now lockdowns and security guards and metal detectors are a depressing reality for our kids.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Daycare, mortgage, bills, car repairs, a very fun vacation out in Seattle. I wish I could make that an annual trip. 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

So many things! It’s hard to narrow it down. You know me, I think any kind of party is fun. 

Annual summer get-together with Aaron's high school crew.

Ben is two!

Adam's fifth birthday party

My big brother Shawn turned 40! How did that happen?!

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Both Adam and Ben like to sing “Ho Hey” by the Lumineers, so probably that one. Adam used to sing it "I be lovin' you, you be lovin' me, you're my sweetHEART!" (I told him it was "I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart" and he argued with me, but then finally started singing the lyrics the right way. I kind of wish I had never corrected him.)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a) About the same
b) About the same (my weight fluctuates depending on whether I’m going on vacation, training for a run, or taking the time to log/count my calories).
c) Richer (thanks to Aaron’s job, not mine!)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercised!! I really have to make this a priority again. When Aaron and I were running two to three times a week this summer (training for the 10 Mile), I actually looked forward to our training runs. It gave me a sense of accomplishment.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Complain. I need to be more positive! 

 20. How did you spend Christmas break?
Lots of parties. Lots of laughter. Lots of delicious food and drinks. Surrounded by love.  
We were able to visit with out-of-state friends Brian, Jen, and Zinnia (Colo.), Sara and Lily (Calif.), and Emily, Ben and Clare (Wis.), and Katie who is on bed rest (which is kind of like another state — state of boredom? State of patience?), in addition to celebrating with daycare (Dec. 21), family (Dec. 16, Dec. 23, Dec. 24, Dec. 25, Dec. 30), close friends (annual girls' Christmas party at Mego's house! annual bowling party with the crew! swimming party down in Austin, Minn.! annual NYE steak dinner with my parents!), so it was ridiculously busy, but fun, fun, fun. 

The most wonderful time of the year ...

*Notice how Adam snuck into this one

Aaron's mom and siblings

Aaron's Christmas gift to me = a new snowboarding coat!

Rumblers! Just what I always wanted!!!

A fire truck! Cool!!

Godmother Auntie Trish with Adam.

The amazing Spiderman.

Batman JAMAS!

21. What was your favorite TV program?
Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory. I keep hearing about Downton Abbey and totally plan on jumping on that bandwagon as soon as I borrow the first two seasons from my mom. (I may not get caught up until 2015, but I have good intentions!)

 
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hey now! We don't say "hate" in this house! (If I had a dollar for every time I've said that this year, I'd be able to take a nice vacation in Hawaii.)

23. What was the best book you read?
How can I choose just one? I liked Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand, the Hunger Game series, and Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I thought Fifty Shades was TOTALLY overrated.  

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Lumineers

25. What did you want and get?
Another year of good health for my family and friends! Oh! And a “fancy” phone. 

26. What did you want and not get?

More sleep!

27. What was your favorite film of this year?  
The Hunger Games. I also really liked Wreck It Ralph.
   
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 37. It’s become tradition to gather together a group of family and friends to go snowtubing at Green Acres the weekend before my birthday. On my birthday, Aaron made me a nice dinner, bought a delicious cake, and the boys sang to me. I felt very loved. 

29. What one [or three] thing[s] would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Immeasurably, huh? A personal chef?  An in-home fitness center? Unlimited credit at Macy’s? How do you answer this question? 

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
Personal fashion concept. Ha ha! That’s a good joke!

Ok, well ... I never thought I could wear skinny jeans and tall boots or leggings, but I did! And no one laughed at me (at least not to my face). I also wore a lot of 80s-style off-the-shoulder sweaters. It’s weird how showing a little shoulder can make you feel sexy. It's also one of the few fashion trends from the 80s that I can support. 

31. What kept you sane?

They kept me sane at work! (Not pictured = Kirsten, Alex, Jeremy, Sara)

Aaron, family, friends near and far (esp those who listen and let me vent — I can't thank you enough), regular visits to my parents’ house in Forest Lake. 

It's so fun watching my friends become parents

Playdate fun in the sun 

My string sisters — friends since elementary school or junior high.
We had dinner while T was in town. Just like old times, only with more
discussions about pregnancy, babies, toddlers, and peeing when you sneeze.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Chris Kluwe

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
The amendment to ban gay marriage. 

34. Who did you miss?
My friends and family who live in different time zones. My grandma.

35. Who was the best new person you met?
We met a pretty amazing couple while camping this summer — Kyle and Rachel (from Boston). I’ll be bummed when they move back East some day.

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
The brain of an introvert really is wired differently than an extrovert.  

Happy 2013 everyone! 

You want me to what? Smile? Riiight. 

Tough guy pose

The secret to his smile? A piece of gum

Sweet boy

Goofball

The fam

Hey, Aaron! Pretend you're Santa Claus!

Money shot

My heart, my soul, my pride and joy ... my boys.