Friends, some day

I know a lot of parents say this, possibly to the point of it sounding cliché, but it’s so, so true … so I’m going to repeat it. When you fall deeply in love with your firstborn, you wonder if you’ll be able to love another child with that same intensity.

I wondered if my relationship, my bond, my connection with Ben would be totally different than how I feel about Adam.

I wondered, “Will there be enough of me to go around?”
I wondered if Adam would resent Ben (he did), if he would be jealous (he was), if he would understand why he had to "share" me (he didn't). 

It was hard, at first, feeling like I wasn’t paying enough attention to the little boy who taught me how to be a mom, feeling like I was choosing Ben over Adam when I had to feed Ben, change him, suddenly drop whatever I was doing to save him from sudden disaster (I have done my fair share of "saving" over these past two years, that's for sure!). I felt like I was somehow abandoning my beautiful little blond-eyed buddy. I worried that he’d think I was “replacing” him. I wondered if he would ever begin to see his little brother as a playmate, a friend, a constant companion rather than a nuisance and a burden. 

Gradually (definitely not all at once), we have become a tight-knit family of four. My heart swells when I see those rare moments when the boys play together, laugh together, even fight (is it bad to laugh when they're both so upset?) … I hope these moments are the start of a life-long bond, the kind of bond you can only share with a sibling. I hope Ben is the best man in Adam’s wedding one day; and vice versa. 

They’re as different as night and day, yet they both wholeheartedly have my love. And some day I hope they wholeheartedly have each other's love, too.

Winter Recap + Lucky Seven

Annual friends/family ice fishing contest on Forest Lake (organized by my big brother Shawn). It was freeeeezing cold outside, yet somehow still fun to get outside on a winter day.


Aaron and I went snowboarding at Trollhaugen Jan. 22 through the Media Ski Series. Benefits = discounted lift tickets and riding with work buddies!


GMG represent! Coworkers/friends Alex, Katie and I boarded (not pictured = Jeremy, who was preparing to race when we took this shot, and my boss Sara, who was in the chalet); Kelly skied. Super fun day.


The hosts of Rem's baby shower at Karla's house in Stillwater Jan. 29 - Katie, Megan, Karla, me, Rem, and Amy (aka Money). I love these girls! Remme had two beautiful baby girls March 7, Reese and Sofia. And life forever changed in their household ...


Birthday tradition - snowtubing at Green Acres! Lots of people missing from this pic (my sis-in-law Amy, Jake, and nieces Kayla and Morgan; my friend Amy, husband Andy, her sister Carla and Carla's friend; my sis-in-law April and nephew Lane; friends Tara & Jeremy).


Getting ready to do a whip chain! Wheeeeeee!


Happy third birthday to me!


My niece April and Ben, hanging out in Forest Lake. It's hard to get a good pic of Ben smiling, but you can really see his gap in this one.


We went out to support Aaron's dad Rick and his girlfriend Tami as they participated with the Lexington Fire Department in the Fight for Air Stair Climb Feb. 25 at the Accenture Tower downtown Minneapolis. They climbed 660 stairs (!) and helped raise funds for the American Lung Association.


Grandma Patti's Annual Sleepover March 3. Adam is trying to teach his cousin Logan how to spell a new word! Poop! Yes, I'm a proud parent. (ha ha)


Beautiful niece Morgan at the sleepover. I never did get a pic of cousins Max or Lane; cousin Kayla was at her dad's. Group shot next year!


My family came out to our company's Food & Wine Experience March 4 at Target Field. I had to work the show, but was able to walk around with them for about 20 minutes. So much to eat! So much to drink! So little time!


Last day of swimming lessons at Como Elementary, March 10. Another good season.


Our Water Baby and Tiny Tot.


The grandkids sure do love Grandma Patti. She's pretty amazing.


On the way to our friend Shane's 40th birthday bash in Rochester. (We only rode this way for a few miles.)


Some of Aaron's friends from high school (minus Rem, Russ and Chad) ... such a fun group. We try to get together once a year without the kids; once every year or two with the kids. I think there were 17 kids at the last get-together.


Garage in the suburbs of Rochester is transformed into Wild Dance Party ... crazy night.


Who says it's easy being green? Life ain't easy, sister.



Cousin Lane's birthday party in St. Francis.


I love that my dad and Aaron are friends. My dad loves that Aaron is always willing to help in any way. Aaron loves that my dad teaches him as they go.


Perfect spring day at a park in Roseville.


Daycare buddies preparing for the Easter egg hunt. Can we go now? Can we go now? Can we go now? How about now?


Visiting Rem and the twins. Adorable babies!


I used to ride kiddy tractors just like these on my grandparents' farm in New Richmond. Good memories.


I love this guy so much. Sometimes I have to pinch myself — it's not a dream! Life isn't perfect, but we are a pretty solid team. I know it sounds cheesy, but Aaron completes me.
Today is our seventh wedding anniversary.

Own spot! and Who will be the bride?

Adam acting goofy. Love those silly faces.



Stop the press! I think this was the first time Ben said "Cheese!" and smiled for the camera. He hasn't done it since.



Adam with his sweet, smart, adorable cousin Max. The boys are exactly two months apart in age. They were both wearing Grandpa Lowell's hats.



Celebrating Christmas/my mom's birthday at my sister Mary's house, complete with a fun foosball tournament.



Adam loves the computer.

It is 3:14 a.m. and I should be sleeping. I can't sleep. I'm too anxious about work. I wake up when Ben does and can't shut my brain off. It's very frustrating.

So ... why not just get up and write? Yeah, Chrissy, that makes TOTAL sense.

I wrote a long, long, looooong letter detailing Ben and Adam's milestones and recent developments about a month ago, but had some computer "issues" at work (as in, my computer was upgraded and the IT guy accidentally wiped out my desktop, forcing me to lose hundreds of photos and personal files). It was tragic. I thought I was over it, but obviously I still harbor some resentment. I keep remembering things that are now floating around in cyberspace. If only IT Guy had let me burn those CDs (he said it would take too long). If only he had let me put more folders on the shared drive (he said it was almost full and he would just copy my desktop to his hard drive and then transfer it back to my computer)!
Oh well. Live and learn.

Ok ... here goes my second attempt at that same post.
Ben is in a very independent phase right now. Everything is "Own spot!" and "I do!" and "I do!" and "I do!" He wants to do things like put on his shoes and take off his coat and while I love that he wants to learn, sometimes it really slows things down when I'm frantically trying to get out the door.

He is VERY attached to his blankets. He has a green one and blue one and wants them in the car, at Target, at nap time, at bed time, any time he's on the couch, any time he remembers to ask for them. We never gave him a Nuk to soothe him/calm him down (successfully avoiding attachment issues there), but looks like we'll be fighting a similar battle some day when it's time to take "blankies" away.

He likes to put on Chapstick by rubbing it under his chin. (Apparently he has zero depth perception, just like his mom.)

He gets into EVERYTHING. I can't tell you how many times he's fallen off a dining room chair or tried to climb onto the table or scared the crap out of us by cranking up the volume on our stereo and hitting the "power" button or ate crayons (seriously, numerous times!) or tried to crawl into the dryer or done something at daycare like smeared glue stick on his lips or pinched a finger in a door or jumped on the couch like a crazy man (the list goes on). I love that he's curious, but he's already missing a front tooth and I'd really appreciate it if we could stay out of the ER for awhile now.

He finally, after MONTHS of coaching, will tell you that his name is Ben, and not respond with "Adam." He knows my name is Chrissy and daddy is Aaron and brother is Adam. He also says Grandma (Domma) and Grandpa (Bob) and all of his aunts and uncles names, and can identify all of his little friends at daycare.

He is affectionate on his terms. No kisses or hugs on demand (he'll say "No-wuh" like a teenager if you demand a hug or kiss), but that makes them even more special because they happen spontaneously. Adam is the opposite, generous with his hugs and kisses and honestly one of the sweetest boys I know.

Ben likes to pretend he's fixing things with Adam's tools and loves the tool bench at my parents house (and wanted to play with the super loud chainsaw and drill when we were over there watching the Super Bowl). I wonder if some of these interests are ingrained. Will Ben be the son who comes over to fix our washing machine one day and Adam will be the son who helps us figure out the latest technological gadget? (Is it bad that I'm already thinking this way?)
Adam was into books and puzzles when he was 2, and I think because of this, his vocabulary was pretty impressive (he could have a conversation with you like an adult); Ben is more into "fix-it" type toys and doesn't have the patience for books (which could be why he doesn't say as much as his big brother did at this age). Adam still loves learning-type toys, but could care less about the tool bench.

Both boys LOVE playing catch with the football, slapping a hockey puck around the kitchen, playing "bowling" with their plastic bowling set, throwing any type of ball, and shooting hoops in our living room. They both enjoy swimming lessons, too. Ben's favorite thing is jumping into the pool; Adam's favorite thing is the back float. (Just another example of their very different personalities.)

Adam questions everything. He asked me the other day, if Uncles Jay and Pete got married, what would they do when the 'marrying man' said "You may kiss the bride?"

Adam is really into computer games (sproutonline.com), Angry Birds, and his Leapster Explorer. He also likes Scooby Doo, Tom & Jerry, superhero anything, and Star Wars. Ben's favorite cartoon is Caillou. And I think they watch a lot of Raffi at daycare.

They both love animals. Sometimes we go to PetSmart on our way home (free entertainment) and look at the fish, birds, and rescue cats, patiently waiting to be adopted. When we get over to the cat section, Ben starts exclaiming "KITTY!" over and over and Adam starts talking in the voice most people reserve for babies. There was a shy yellow tabby hiding behind his cat carrier and I can't stop thinking about that cute little guy. He just seemed so scared and lonely. I wish we had a house more conducive for a cat ... but we tried that already when Aaron brought a stray home, per his coworker's prompting, back in 2005. It was awful. We named the cat "Afton" (after Afton Alps, where we got engaged) and we brought it to the vet, where we paid $200 to have it treated for ear mites (ewww!) and I think we must've gotten it shots then, too. I can't remember. As it turned out, Afton was craaaaaaaazy (climbing up the blinds crazy) and stinky and had a lot of stomach issues, and there was no good place to hide the litter box, so it was in our living room. I was constantly opening windows and burning candles. Then, for some reason, we had to bring her to the vet AGAIN and the vet told us she was pregnant. What?! She was just a kitty! (Babies havin' babies, story of our times.) Probably a week after that, Aaron's coworker said Afton was not a stray after all, there were "Lost Cat" signs up around her neighborhood, so we very happily returned her. The owners left Aaron a six-pack of home-brewed beer on their front porch for our "troubles." We decided, after that experience, to wait until we lived in a bigger house before venturing down the pet road again.

Ok. Now I'm tired. My next post = winter recap! Ice fishing contest, snowboarding adventure, baby shower fun, birthday snowtubing and more!

Year in Review

Following the lead of my blogging friends, I thought I would reflect on 2011.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Stood up in my friend Rem’s wedding, visited Washington, D.C., scheduled a surgery at Children’s Hospital for poor little Ben to have his front tooth extracted (he ran into a wall at daycare).

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I make the same one every year — move more, eat less.

3. Did anyone close to you have a child?
Lots of 2011 babies: my college friend Sara had Ian, cousin Sara had Lily, and friends Emily had Clare, Julie had Jack, Morgan had Easton, and Tonya had Evan. I love watching my friends become parents, but wish those in Illinois, Wisconsin, California, Oregon, and Idaho lived closer!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, but one friend lost her mom and another lost her dad and it was heartbreaking. It’s hard to watch your friends suffer when you know you can’t really do anything to take the pain away.

5. Where did you travel?
Green Bay in June for the annual Bellin Run 10K/after-party/college reunion; Washington, D.C. in July with Tonya and Sam (Travis, Tonya's brother and our friend, has lived out there for 10 years and was the best tour guide EVER); Bluefin Bay on Lake Superior with the immediate family in September (such a blast!); and Minocqua, Wis. for a craaaazy weekend away with college girls.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A body like Brooke Burke.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory?
Jan. 4 – my mom turned 60. April 16 — our sixth anniversary. May 7 — Rem and Jim’s wedding. June 6 — Ben’s first birthday. August 11 – Adam’s fourth birthday. June 16 — Aaron’s 38th (?!) birthday. October 15 — Evan is born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not blowing a fuse at work, even when I was pushed to the breaking point. Trust me, that’s an achievement.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I can think of a few, but I don't think it's healthy to dwell on the negative.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes! I hurt my left ankle playing softball and it hasn’t been the same since. The doc said I broke off a piece of cartilage. I hope it isn’t floating around in there indefinitely.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
It’s a tie between our 2011 MacBook Pro and a much-needed kid-free vacation in DC.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Aaron. My rock.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Those fighting so hard to pass the amendment to ban gay marriage. I don’t understand why this issue is a priority when the economy is a mess and people still don’t have adequate health care.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Daycare, mortgage, car payment, grocery bills, usual mundane grown-up “stuff.”

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Rem’s bachelorette party and wedding, trip to DC, introducing Adam and Ben to any new experience. I love seeing them grow and change. Every milestone is worthy of a celebration.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
“Faster” by Matt Nathanson. I smile whenever Adam sings along. “You taste like sunlight and strawberry bubblegum …”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a) Happier (I'm getting more sleep!)
b) Fatter. I was breastfeeding last year — after I stopped, I packed on 10 lbs. I know I need to start working out again, just have to force myself to DO IT.
c) Maybe a little richer (thanks to Aaron’s job, not mine!)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercised. Learned something new (the piano? sign language?) Volunteered somewhere.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Wasted time on Facebook. Such a horrible time suck (but so addictive!)

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Lots of parties. Lots of laughter. Lots of delicious food and drinks. Surrounded by love.

21. What was your favorite TV program?
Modern Family, AI, DWTS, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No — I don’t hate anyone. I do, however, STRONGLY dislike the way certain people act.

23. What was the best book you read?
Room: A Novel, by Emma Donoghue. LOVED, LOVED, LOVED that book!!!

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Dessa. Such talent. (And such a great role model for young girls.)

25. What did you want and get?
Another year of good health for my family and friends!

26. What did you want and not get?
A raise?

27. What was your favorite film of this year?
Bridesmaids

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 36. The weekend before my birthday, a group of dear friends and family went snowtubing at Green Acres, followed by bowling at Pinz. I had a nice bday dinner with my family on my actual birthday. I don’t care what anyone says — you’re never “too old” to celebrate another birthday. Every year we're above the earth is reason enough to have a party. (Plus it's a great excuse to get friends together - something that happens less and less often as you get older.)

29. What one [or three] thing[s] would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I know this sounds stupid, but I really can’t think of anything. I’m in a pretty good place in life right now.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Practical? Comfortable? Definitely not sexy or sassy — gotta work on that for 2012!

31. What kept you sane?
Aaron. My boys. My "sisters" (in-laws). My girlfriends. Regular visits to my parents’ house in Forest Lake.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I have totally lost touch with celebrity gossip … I can’t think of anyone!

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
The amendment to ban gay marriage.

34. Who did you miss?
My friends who live in different time zones. My grandma.

35. Who was the best new person you met?
All those babies — with more babies to come in 2012 (I can't wait for Rem to have those twin girls and I would bet money that there will be more pregnancy/adoption announcements coming SOON!)

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
There are no pediatric dentists on-call at the Regions Hospital Emergency Room. HA! In all seriousness, though, I really love this quote from a 114-year-old man when asked for the secret to living a good, long life:
"Wake up every morning and tell yourself 'This is going to be a good day,' and then make it that way."